- Gabrielle Blair is a New York Times bestselling author.
- The following is an adapted excerpt from her book “Ejaculate Responsibly.”
- She says men can walk away from an unwanted pregnancy that is the result of irresponsible ejaculation.
The following is an adapted extract from Gabrielle Blair’s book “Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion.”
If a man ejaculates irresponsibly and causes an unwanted pregnancy, he faces no consequences. He can walk away at any time, and our current culture doesn’t really do much – or anything? — to discourage it.
It’s all on the woman
If the woman wants to take Plan B to prevent a pregnancy, it is up to the woman to obtain it and pay for it – from her own funds, or by asking someone else for money.
If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never know that he has caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation – and it is still up to the woman to make arrangements and pay for one get (again, from her own funds, or by asking for money from someone else – and that’s assuming she can get herself into a state where it’s legal).
If the woman decides to raise the baby but doesn’t tell the man, or gives the baby up for adoption, he may never know that there is now a child walking around with 50% of his DNA.
If the woman does tell the man that he caused an unwanted pregnancy and that she has the baby, the closest thing to a consequence for him is that he might have to pay child support. But our current child support system is well known as a joke.
Men are responsible for almost all child support
Men make up 85% of child support providers, and only 43.5% of parents report receiving the full amount of child support owed. And an estimated $10 billion in child support payments go uncollected each year. In cases where men will not pay to support a child, women theoretically have legal recourse and can force a man to pay child support, but again the system makes this extremely difficult. It is up to the mother to pay to prove paternity, pay a lawyer and fight child support in court.
Keep in mind that these court battles are unreasonably difficult to manage for someone who has just had a baby – a baby they are trying to feed and care for. And in the end, even if she puts in the time and pays the years of legal fees, most women never collect all the money anyway. If she does manage to collect, the average child support order is $400 a month, which of course isn’t even close to what it takes to house and clothe and feed and educate a child – to say nothing say about the temporal, emotional and physical costs. of raising a child.
Our society is set up to protect men from the consequences of their own actions. Our laws and policies could not be better designed to protect men who abandon the pregnancies they cause.
I had a conversation with a longtime social worker about this, and she listed eight ways that men face no consequences and are not held accountable for their ejaculatory actions.
1) There are no laws requiring the father to pay child support without a court order. It is not automatic.
2) In many states, credit scores are not affected by failure to pay child support.
3) Fathers are not fired from their jobs for impregnating a woman.
4) Fathers are not billed for any medical expenses for the pregnancy or the child. In at least two states, fathers can be legally required to pay for at least 50% of pregnancy-related medical costs.
5) Dads don’t have to take unpaid weeks or months off work for pregnancy complications or childbirth.
6) Fathers do not lose a dime in wages for impregnating a woman.
7) Fathers are not usually expected to pay any funeral expenses for a deceased child. At least two states consider it both parents’ responsibility to pay.
8) If fathers choose to walk out at any stage – before or after the child’s birth – there are no social consequences for leaving the child.
There are little to no repercussions for lashing out. So, many men go ahead, cause unwanted pregnancies with irresponsible ejaculations and never give a thought. When the topic of abortion comes up, they may think: Abortion makes me uncomfortable. Women should not choose abortion. And they never consider the man who caused the unwanted pregnancy.
Excerpt from “Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion” by Gabrielle Blair. Workman Publishing © 2022.